Jokes Anyone?
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Off Topic Jokes Anyone?A kid gets a bike for christmas, so he goes out and rides it. He comes across a park ranger on a horse. The cop asks him if he got that bike for christmas. The boy replies yes. The cop says "well, heres a $50 ticket. your back reflecter is broken." The boy then asks "Did you get that horse for christmas?"
"Why, yes I did."
The boy says "Well, next time tell santa to put the dick on the bottom of the horse, not the top."
If Chuck Norris were to punch himself, the universe would explode, for, he is invincible but his punches can destroy anything.
Yo' momma so fat she sucked in a black hole
Yo' momma so fat when she got on the bathroom scale it said 'ow'.
Yo' momma so stupid she sold her car for gas.
Yo' so stupid that you thought selling you car for gas was stupid.(Really, think of the rising prices)
Yo' momma so hairy fleas declared here a universal monument.
KimKat Change name to KitKat
MiroslavR Change name to DinosauR
Quote
MiroslavR Change name to DinosauR
lol wtf
Th3 Snip3r changes name to Th3 Sh0tgun
New Rex has written
Vibhor changes name to Vibrator.
That was cheap
(haaaaaah!!! i feel offended
just kidding)nice one
Okay now stop insulting of names
Yo mamma is so ugly that even makeup burns on her face
Yo mamma is so heavy that even gravity fears her
Vibhor has written
That was cheap
(haaaaaah!!! i feel offended just kidding)
New Rex has written
Vibhor changes name to Vibrator.
That was cheap
(haaaaaah!!! i feel offended
just kidding)Cheap.
When I saw the offended part I was like: OMG, flame mark and ban to me.
Yeah, let's focus on thread's »real deal«.
-
John McCain at the disco.
John McCain: Hi, please give me a drink.
A weird afro-hippie rushes to backyard of the disco and does stuff with strange noises.
Weird Afro: Here it is, sir.
John McCain: WTF? What is this black thing?
Weird Afro:[/i] It's Obama's toe. I ate the rest of him. Welcome to the Presidency, Mr. McCain.
[u]John McCain (evil face): OH YEAH! F*CK YOU DEAD OBAMA! F*CK OBAMA!!!
The weird afro gets off his false skin and false hair and guess what - he's Barack. McCain gets a mix of sensations like
with "WTF?".Barack Obama: Mr. McCain, that's not my toe nor I'm dead. So you are under arrested for disrespecting me in a public zone and I'll give you the best prison for you: the one that allows rape. Have fun!
John McCain: WTF? That doesn't even exist!
Barack Obama: Not at all. This is Obama Generation. Goodbye.
I made this joke. Although it's not funny, it gives a lesson for certain people. Hope you liked it.
Here is another one: Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with one bird
New Rex has written
Cheap.
When I saw the offended part I was like: OMG, flame mark and ban to me.
Yeah, let's focus on thread's »real deal«.
-
John McCain at the disco.
John McCain: Hi, please give me a drink.
A weird afro-hippie rushes to backyard of the disco and does stuff with strange noises.
Weird Afro: Here it is, sir.
John McCain: WTF? What is this black thing?
Weird Afro:[/i] It's Obama's toe. I ate the rest of him. Welcome to the Presidency, Mr. McCain.
[u]John McCain (evil face): OH YEAH! F*CK YOU DEAD OBAMA! F*CK OBAMA!!!
The weird afro gets off his false skin and false hair and guess what - he's Barack. McCain gets a mix of sensations like with "WTF?".
Barack Obama: Mr. McCain, that's not my toe nor I'm dead. So you are under arrested for disrespecting me in a public zone and I'll give you the best prison for you: the one that allows rape. Have fun!
John McCain: WTF? That doesn't even exist!
Barack Obama: Not at all. This is Obama Generation. Goodbye.
I made this joke. Although it's not funny, it gives a lesson for certain people. Hope you liked it.
Vibhor has written
That was cheap
(haaaaaah!!! i feel offended just kidding)
New Rex has written
Vibhor changes name to Vibrator.
That was cheap
(haaaaaah!!! i feel offended
just kidding)Cheap.
When I saw the offended part I was like: OMG, flame mark and ban to me.
Yeah, let's focus on thread's »real deal«.
-
John McCain at the disco.
John McCain: Hi, please give me a drink.
A weird afro-hippie rushes to backyard of the disco and does stuff with strange noises.
Weird Afro: Here it is, sir.
John McCain: WTF? What is this black thing?
Weird Afro:[/i] It's Obama's toe. I ate the rest of him. Welcome to the Presidency, Mr. McCain.
[u]John McCain (evil face): OH YEAH! F*CK YOU DEAD OBAMA! F*CK OBAMA!!!
The weird afro gets off his false skin and false hair and guess what - he's Barack. McCain gets a mix of sensations like
with "WTF?".Barack Obama: Mr. McCain, that's not my toe nor I'm dead. So you are under arrested for disrespecting me in a public zone and I'll give you the best prison for you: the one that allows rape. Have fun!
John McCain: WTF? That doesn't even exist!
Barack Obama: Not at all. This is Obama Generation. Goodbye.
I made this joke. Although it's not funny, it gives a lesson for certain people. Hope you liked it.
well a bit not funny if this was about the john mclain of die hard
- What are you doing here? ? asked one.
- Waiting for the train.
- Which train?
- That in my 17.15.
- Do you not read that it works only in holidays?
- My. I have a birthday today.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Rich grandmother decided to check how her three loves her grandson.
One days called the largest in themselves. Jump in the pool and pretend they are drowning. Grandson hesitate only a moment, cast in the pool and saved her life.
The next day in front of his house had a brand new BMW with a note: "Thank you Grandma . The same is repeated with the second son, but he was more rapid, so the other morning to his house waiting for a new Mercedes with a note: "Thank you Grandma .
Youngest son, however, did not respond when grandmother jumped in the pool and would only simulated, but drowned.
The next day after the funeral, before the villa of the lowest brand new grandson stood Rols-Royce with a note: "Thank you Grandpa! "
------
Why can't a train have rubber wheels?
Because he would erase the lines.
KimKat has written
A stranger was seated next to a blonde on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger,
- 'What would you like to talk about?'
- 'Oh, I don't know, said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
- OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the blonde's intelligence, thinks about it and says,
- 'Hmmm, I have no idea....'
To which the blonde replies,
- 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?'
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger,
- 'What would you like to talk about?'
- 'Oh, I don't know, said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
- OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the blonde's intelligence, thinks about it and says,
- 'Hmmm, I have no idea....'
To which the blonde replies,
- 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?'
possibly the best joke i have ever heard
heres a cookie for you
Silent_Control has written
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck norris dont need a computer
his memory is so good that he remembers the paleolithic age very clearly
2. What's the difference between a guy falling from the 1st floor and one falling from the 17th floor? the guy falling from the first goes splat then "Aaaaaaaargh!" and the one from the 17th goes, "Aaaaaaargh!" then splat
3. what time did the man go to the dentists?
